- Mood:
Hope - Listening to: Luca - Brand New
- Reading: My diary
- Watching: Youtube videos of Ville Valo
- Playing: Nothing
- Eating: Foul tahini, pickles and olives
- Drinking: Tea
*Ville Valo is the lead singer of HIM, my favourite band.
I'm honestly still trying not to fall over from giddyness, I know it's horrible of me. But OMFG JONNA AND VILLE BROKE UPPPPPPPP. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA. SINGLE. MUAHHAHAHAHAHAHA.
So THAT'S why Venus Doom is so fucking depressing and delicious. Because they broke up! WOOHOO! *Hyperventilates*
Okay, now I must calm down enough to post what I was thinking about.
I have decided, after much soul searching and deliberation, to be happy. But how can one just decide to be happy?, you may ask. Well, it's quite simple really. I'm just going to stop looking for an excuse to be sad. Being depressed and sad all the time isn't attractive in a woman. It's not charming to never smile, to only have sad things to say, and to never be able to laugh at yourself unless you're being bitter. Being depressed does a lot of things to you. It makes you gain/lose weight, it messes up your complexion, and it just generally makes you look like you've been hit by a truck. Not only that though, it holds you back from doing the things you really want to do in life.
I think if I were to concentrate on being happy, maybe, oh, I don't know, maybe then I'd really be happy?
It may sound awfully silly but what got me to thinking about this, and actually inspired to do this was two things:
First, I talked to a very charming French guy who explained to me that women are dazzling creatures who should never have a day of unhappiness in their lives. He said to me, "You don't want to destroy an angel, you want to become one."
Secondly, (this is even better xD) I was watching HIM videos and interviews of Ville and reading about him and stuff, and I noticed, this guy always seems so happy. He's able to laugh at himself. He's supposed to be the Prince of Darkness, but what makes him so goddamn charismatic is his addicting smile, laugh, and overall happy presence. You never see Ville looking or acting as though he's depressed. Yet he still somehow manages to be himself, and to be dark and sexy.
So really, I think that being happy, and being 'dark', and being 'myself' is quite an attainable position to be in. I have realized that lately, I am depressed because I have no reason to be depressed. That, ladies and gentleman, is a dangerous, self pitying way to think. I have been sad my entire life. I have never had an excuse to be happy before now. Now that I am allowed to do so, I can't seem to become used to the prospect. It's as though some horrible boyfriend who I hated ALOT has finally let me break up with him, but left me with an empty space. To fill that void, I'm looking for every excuse imaginable to call him, or email him, or just talk to him. The space must be filled. The old pair of jeans was so comfortable, why buy new ones?
It will take some work, this I'm sure of. Lots of personal brainwashing. Lots of waking up in the morning and not wanting to stay in bed because life fucking sucks.
Because right now, life isn't so bad. I would be lying if I said I didn't have my problems. But those are just little things, and they can be worked through.
Eep, see? Now that I think about turning off the computer and going upstairs to bed, I have a knot of dread in the pit of my stomach. Because suddenly everything seems so empty again.
Be happy, Shadia. Be happy.